When “What You Want” Isn’t Meant for You (And How to Know the Difference)
- mariahsdays17
- Feb 13
- 4 min read
I used to say, “I get everything I want.” And for a long time, it felt true. I set my sights on something, worked relentlessly, and somehow, it always came together. Whether it was a job, an opportunity, a relationship—I believed that with enough effort, I could bend the universe to my will.
But then, one day, it didn’t.
I wanted something so badly—convinced myself it was mine—but no matter how much effort I put in, how many doors I knocked on, or how much I forced it, it never quite fit. I strategized, overthought, and exhausted myself trying to find a way in. But the more I chased, the further it seemed to slip away.
At first, I blamed myself. I thought I hadn’t tried hard enough. Maybe I could have done more, been more, pushed more. Maybe I had missed a step, miscalculated, or failed to prove my worth. But eventually, I had to face a painful truth: it wasn’t about effort. It wasn’t about proving myself. It wasn’t even about timing.
It simply wasn’t meant for me.
When Hard Work Isn’t Enough
We grow up believing that hard work is the ultimate currency—that if we just want something bad enough and are willing to put in the effort, we will be rewarded. And sure, sometimes that’s true. Perseverance can open doors, but it’s not a guarantee.
Because sometimes, no matter how much you pour into something, it just won’t be yours. Not because you’re not good enough. Not because you didn’t try. But because it’s not aligned with you.
It took me a while to accept this. I kept thinking that if I just pushed a little harder, maybe the outcome would change. But what I failed to see at the time was that when you have to force your way in—prying open doors that refuse to budge—the odds are already stacked against you.
The right opportunities, the right people, the right paths don’t require you to fight for basic acceptance. You don’t have to beg to be chosen. You don’t have to constantly prove your worth to be allowed in.
Because what’s truly meant for you? It flows. It challenges you, but it doesn’t drain the life out of you. It requires effort, but it doesn’t make you feel like you’re constantly swimming against the current.
The Turning Point: Letting Go vs. Holding On
So, how do you know when to keep pushing and when to let go? How do you recognize the difference between perseverance and self-sabotage?
It’s one of the hardest questions to answer because letting go often feels like failure. We’re taught to admire those who “never give up.” But what if holding on is what’s actually holding you back?
Here are a few ways to figure it out:
1. Pay Attention to the Energy Exchange
Does this feel like a constant uphill battle?
Are you giving and giving, but receiving little in return?
Do you feel exhausted, drained, or unfulfilled by the process?
When something is right for you, there’s a natural flow to it. That doesn’t mean it won’t take work, but the work won’t feel like you’re constantly swimming against the current. If you’re always met with resistance, reconsider if it’s truly meant for you.
2. Ask Yourself: Do You Want This, or the Idea of It?
Sometimes, we hold onto things not because we actually want them, but because we want to prove we can have them. Maybe you’re chasing validation, clinging to an old dream, or refusing to let go because it feels like failure. But wanting something for the wrong reasons will never bring fulfillment.
Ask yourself:
If this opportunity disappeared tomorrow, would I feel relieved or devastated?
Do I love this, or just the idea of it?
Am I chasing this because I truly want it, or because I don’t want to lose?
If you’re more attached to the outcome than the actual experience, it might not be for you.
3. Look for Signs of Alignment (Or Lack Thereof)
When something is right for you, things tend to fall into place. That doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges, but there’s a difference between obstacles and constant roadblocks.
Are you forcing something that isn’t naturally unfolding?
Do you keep facing closed doors, rejection, or roadblocks that seem to push you in a different direction?
Does this situation bring you more stress than joy?
If you have to fight tooth and nail just to get a sliver of what you’re asking for, that might be the universe telling you it’s not for you.
4. Check In With Your Body and Mind
Your body often knows before your mind does. If you feel constant anxiety, dread, or unease about something, listen to that.
Do you feel tension in your body when you think about this?
Do you feel emotionally drained rather than excited?
Are you holding on out of fear rather than genuine desire?
Our intuition speaks through discomfort. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct.
5. Be Honest About What’s Forcing vs. Flowing
Some things require effort, but effort should not mean struggle for basic acceptance, progress, or fulfillment.
There’s a difference between:
Hard work vs. forcing something
Challenges vs. constant resistance
Patience vs. waiting for scraps of validation
If you have to convince something or someone to choose you, walk away. What’s meant for you will meet you halfway.
Trust That Letting Go Makes Space for Something Better
Looking back, I see the moments when I clung to what wasn’t mine. I see how much I exhausted myself, trying to mold reality into something it refused to be. And I see how much peace I found when I finally let go.
Because here’s the thing: what’s meant for you won’t require you to beg, convince, or struggle just to keep it.
So if you’re in that place—holding onto something that keeps slipping through your fingers—ask yourself:
Am I forcing this?
Am I holding onto something that isn’t holding onto me?
Am I afraid to let go because I don’t trust what’s next?
If the answer is yes, maybe it’s time to release it. Maybe it’s time to trust that something better, something easier, something meant will find its way to you.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize that not getting what you thought you wanted was the best thing that ever happened.
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