The Unseen Journey: How I Learned to Embrace the Need for Therapy

When I moved to Washington a year ago from Colorado, it became immediately clear that finding a new therapist was going to be non-negotiable. My previous therapist, Ryan, had become more than just a professional; he was a safety net, a built-in friend, and the shoulder I leaned on during some of my most challenging moments. In many ways, I was dependent on him—sometimes clinging to our sessions as a lifeline, other times keeping him at arm’s length. But what I didn’t fully realize at the time was how much I was using therapy as a crutch.

Therapy with Ryan often felt like my weekly ritual of convincing myself that everything in my life was perfectly in order. I would selectively share only the parts of my life that painted a picture of progress and healing, intentionally leaving out the deeper, more troubling feelings. It was almost as if I was manipulating the process—not out of malice, but out of fear of confronting the full extent of my emotions. Ryan, perhaps out of compassion or trust in my self-assessment, often went along with it. Looking back, I see that while I did make some strides in my healing journey, I was also using therapy as a way to maintain a facade of control, rather than as a tool for genuine growth.

Fast forward a year, and despite my initial resolve, I still haven’t found a new therapist. The issues I once managed to push aside have now caught up with me, manifesting in ways I can no longer ignore. My anxiety, once a background hum, has grown louder, and it’s become clear that I need help more than ever. Yet, I find myself paralyzed by the fear of starting over, of finding someone new to trust, and of digging into the parts of myself I’ve kept hidden for so long.

This fear extends beyond therapy. I’m terrified that my unresolved issues will bleed into my relationships, that I’ll sabotage something good because I can’t shake the fear that a potential partner will one day change their mind and leave without warning. The irony isn’t lost on me—my biggest obstacle isn’t my anxiety or ADHD, but my inability to commit to the very thing that could help me heal.

People close to me have pointed it out, and I know they’re right. I need professional help to tackle the demons in my mind, and I’m starting to accept that. The first step is admitting you have a problem, right? I’m finally at a place where I can acknowledge that the only way to feel better—emotionally, mentally, and even physically—is to seek out that help. I’m not quite ready yet, but I’m closer than I’ve ever been. And that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear, and I’m learning that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, even if the steps feel small.

Advice Steps:

1. Acknowledge Your Need for Help: The first step is always the hardest, but it’s also the most important. Admitting that you need professional assistance is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. Recognizing that your current coping mechanisms aren’t enough is the key to moving forward.

2. Reflect on Past Therapy Experiences: Take the time to evaluate your previous experiences with therapy. What worked? What didn’t? Understanding these aspects will help you choose the right therapist and approach moving forward. Be honest with yourself about how you may have used therapy in the past.

3. Take Small Steps Towards Commitment: Start by researching therapists or therapy methods that resonate with you. You don’t have to jump into a session right away—sometimes, just learning more about the options available can lessen the fear and make the commitment feel less daunting.

4. Communicate Your Fears: If you do decide to seek therapy again, be upfront with your new therapist about your anxieties and your past experiences. A good therapist will appreciate your honesty and work with you to build a trusting relationship at a pace that feels right for you.

5. Be Patient with Yourself: Healing is not a linear process, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time. Allow yourself the grace to move at your own pace, understanding that even small steps are progress.

6. Focus on the Long-Term Benefits: Remind yourself why you’re seeking therapy in the first place. The goal is to build a healthier, more resilient version of yourself. While the process may be uncomfortable at times, the long-term benefits of emotional and mental well-being are worth the effort.

7. Lean on Your Support System: Don’t be afraid to share your journey with trusted friends or family members. They can provide encouragement, hold you accountable, and remind you that you’re not alone in this process.