The Power of Authenticity: Why Fitting In May Be Overrated

I find myself asking this over and over again as I travel from city to city, wondering where I could see myself next. If you fit in then you are seen as a number but if you don’t fit in then you are unhappy and don’t have a community. If you fit in then it’s easy to find like minded people, but if you stick out then are you seen as special? If you fit in then you are seen as “basic” and if you don’t then you are seen as “one of a kind”. Is this just my own insecurities speaking? How does one know when they fit in? What constitutes fitting in beyond the stereotypical community, faith and family? Is it when you can be a regular at the same spot on a Thursday, or you’re a routine person at your local CycleBar? I think fitting in is a feeling more than anything, feeling like you automatically and effortlessly can find your people no matter where you are in your city or town. That you blend in with the masses.

I am actually quite quiet, an introverted extrovert, the city girl, the one who looks like she doesn’t belong in the country, the one who is too preppy for Washington yet not smart enough to survive in California, but not outdoorsy enough to be in Colorado yet not politically involved enough to be in DC, yet too outspoken to be in a small town, and too adventurous to be the ‘safe girlfriend”. I don’t wear jeans to baseball games, I don’t wear t-shirts with different graphics on them, I don’t wear anything that will mess up my hair, I don’t leave the house without my hair and makeup at least 90% done, I am the worst baker and sub-par cook, I don’t like anything where I am competing against others, I look like I would like small parties, but I actually hate intimate conversations. I love planning and attending big events because it’s easy to slip into the shadows or be the center of attention and when I encounter a conversation I don’t like, I can escape and find another. I don’t like when people try to get into my head and ask me to “dig deep”; I don’t like hugs from foreign people. I love to do group workouts but love to workout alone. I find it difficult to relate to people my age and don’t like the taste of alcohol. I say I’ve had my heartbroken one too many times but if you really knew me, you’d know I have broken more hearts than have broken mine. I’ve never dated anyone that I thought was worth “fighting for” or “staying for”. I crave close friendships but struggle with opening up to people and would much rather have them talk all about themselves then have myself give away any ounce of me. I have chronic anxiety and fear that people can see that through my need to control everything in my life. I fear I will never find anyone who wants me as badly as I want them. I fear I will never “fit in”.

I used to fear people running out of my life and leaving me behind but what I’ve encountered is I’ve become that person. I run away before I get too comfortable. I run away before I fall in love with my surroundings so that i can say nothing ties me down. Maybe is it that I fear fitting in? Maybe I fear that people will get too comfortable with my presence that they no longer will miss me if I am always there? Maybe just maybe I have been fitting in all along but I tell myself I don’t in order to make myself feel better. I don’t have good advice on this topic, I don’t have any good advice on staying in one place. The only thing I’m good at giving advice on is running away from my feelings, healing from breakups and running towards people who want nothing to do with me.