The Importance of Transparency in Dating: Discussing Your Non-Negotiables with Your Partner

For six years, I tried to convince someone that my love language was not being met. I felt unheard, undervalued, and increasingly frustrated as my needs were consistently overlooked. This experience was draining and emotionally taxing, making me realize how vital it is for both partners to understand and fulfill each other's love languages. Over time, I came to understand that no amount of persuasion or explanation can make someone value you if they don't already see your worth. I grew to be hateful, resentful, and mean. The vibrant, confident person I once was faded away, replaced by someone I no longer recognized in the mirror. My self-esteem plummeted, and I felt trapped in a cycle of negativity and self-loathing. I had no one to blame except myself because I allowed this behavior and inconsistency to continue for multiple years. I ignored my intuition and the clear signs that something was wrong, hoping that things would magically improve.

Instead of recognizing the red flags, I just accepted them and hoped the other person would change. I clung to the belief that if I just loved them more or tried harder, they would eventually see my worth and meet my needs. This mindset kept me stuck in a toxic relationship where my feelings and needs were constantly dismissed. It took a significant toll on my mental and emotional well-being, leaving me feeling empty and disconnected from myself. People will only respect you as much as you allow them to. This realization was a harsh but necessary wake-up call. By continuously giving in and compromising my boundaries, I enabled the other person to continue their disrespectful behavior. Think about it—why would someone change when you keep giving them what they want? If you don't set and enforce your boundaries, others will take advantage of your leniency.

It’s essential to understand that self-respect and self-worth come from within. By accepting less than what you deserve, you send a message that your needs are not important. It's crucial to set clear boundaries and stand firm in them, even if it means walking away from relationships that no longer serve you. This journey taught me the importance of prioritizing my own well-being and never settling for anything less than mutual respect and genuine love. This experience taught me a valuable lesson: I will never again allow myself to try and convince someone I am worthy of anything. My worth is inherent and not something to be debated or proven. If someone comes into my life and questions whether I am worth their time, limits, expectations, etc., I will gladly decline. Self-respect and self-love are paramount; allowing someone to make you feel less than worthy erodes your self-esteem and happiness.

Here is my list:

1. Consistency Consistency is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It’s essential to know that your partner’s actions align with their words. Once inconsistency creeps in, it’s a clear warning sign that something is off. Inconsistent behavior leads to confusion and instability, which are detrimental to building trust and security in a relationship.

2. Respect for Our Time Time is a precious commodity, and respecting each other's time is a fundamental aspect of a respectful relationship. This means valuing each other's schedules, making plans and keeping them, and understanding that time together is meaningful. When one person repeatedly disrespects the other's time, it shows a lack of consideration and priority.

3. Discretion While I am a very private person when it comes to my personal life, I am very public in other areas of my life. It's important for me to maintain a balance between what is shared publicly and what is kept private. Ensuring we are on the same page regarding discretion helps protect the intimacy and trust within the relationship.

4. No Games Honesty and transparency are non-negotiable. Playing games or being manipulative has no place in a healthy relationship. Clear and honest intentions are essential for building a solid foundation. Both partners should be straightforward about their feelings, expectations, and intentions from the start.

5. Validation of Feelings Everyone's feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. Dismissing or belittling someone's emotions can cause deep hurt and resentment. It’s crucial to create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable expressing their feelings and know they will be heard and respected.

6. Open Communication Open communication is vital for understanding each other’s perspectives and resolving conflicts. Both partners should feel comfortable explaining their feelings and worries without fear of judgment. This openness fosters trust, intimacy, and a deeper connection.

7. Mutual Effort Relationships require effort from both parties. If only one person is putting in the effort, it creates an imbalance that can lead to frustration and burnout. Mutual effort means both partners are committed to nurturing the relationship, making sacrifices, and working through challenges together.

8. Trust Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. The second you have to question their actions and efforts, it’s a sign they don't genuinely like you. Trust should be inherent and unquestionable. If you find yourself constantly doubting their intentions, it’s best to move on.

9. Clear Priorities Your first priority should always be yourself, and I should be your second. Self-care and personal growth are crucial for a healthy relationship. If you are not prioritizing yourself, it’s difficult to be a supportive and loving partner. Similarly, I should be a priority in your life, but not at the expense of your well-being.