The Danger of Battling Your Demons Alone: Why Pushing People Away Can Hurt More Than Help

Sometimes, we would much rather push someone away rather than face the inner demons that brought on the original problem. It’s easier to push than to pull. Pushing someone away allows us to avoid the hard work of confronting what’s truly bothering us, and in that moment, it feels like the safer option. It creates a temporary distance between us and the painful reality of our feelings. However, this is only a short-term solution, a way to sidestep the discomfort of self-reflection. We convince ourselves that by pushing people out of our lives, we’re avoiding further pain, but in reality, we’re only prolonging our suffering.

Pulling someone in—allowing them to support us through our struggles—requires courage. It forces us to confront the very things we’d rather bury: the guilt, shame, and insecurities that led us to this point. Pulling requires self-reflection and growth, both of which are deeply uncomfortable processes. When we pull someone closer, we’re also pulling ourselves closer to the root of the problem, and that means looking at the reasons we’re feeling so ashamed in the first place.

Facing our inner demons involves acknowledging that we’re not perfect, that we’ve made mistakes, and that we’re struggling to cope with the fallout. This kind of self-awareness is often accompanied by feelings of vulnerability and fear. We fear judgment, not just from others but from ourselves. It’s easier to push these feelings down, to push people away, and pretend that if we don’t deal with them, they’ll somehow disappear. But they never do.

The reality is that pulling, although harder, leads to real healing. It allows us to face those inner demons head-on, to process our feelings, and to begin the journey toward self-forgiveness. By pulling someone in and letting them help us, we give ourselves permission to grow and change. We begin to understand that the shame we feel doesn’t define us, and that the people who love us see beyond our mistakes. They see our potential for growth, our strength in vulnerability, and our ability to become better versions of ourselves.

In the end, pulling requires us to take ownership of our pain and actively work toward healing. While it’s more difficult than the reflexive act of pushing someone away, it’s the only path that leads to true emotional growth and resolution.

We all have moments when life feels overwhelming—when our personal demons seem too big, too dark, or too complex for anyone else to understand. In these times, it’s easy to slip into the mindset of “I can handle this on my own,” believing that isolation is the best path to healing. We often push away the very people who love and care for us, thinking we're protecting them or sparing them the burden of our struggles. But what if I told you that facing your battles alone can do more harm than good?

When we choose to navigate difficult times in isolation, we’re not only denying ourselves the support we might need, but we’re also creating distance between ourselves and those who genuinely want to help us. Vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, but the truth is, letting others in requires immense courage. Allowing someone to see us at our lowest, at our most fragile, takes more strength than battling alone.

The people who care about you don’t see your struggles as a burden—they see them as a part of you, and they want to support you through them. Whether it’s a friend, a partner, or a family member, the people who love you aren’t there to judge your pain; they’re there to help you carry it. Pushing them away, even with the best intentions, can be counterproductive. It can lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, and deeper emotional wounds.

But how do you let someone in when everything inside you screams to do the opposite?

1. Recognize That You Don’t Have to Be Perfect.

We often push others away because we feel like we need to have everything figured out before we let anyone into our world. But here's the reality: you don’t have to have it all together to accept help. Life is messy, and it’s okay to lean on others when things get tough. The people who love you want to be there for the real you, not some perfect version.

2. Understand the Value of Shared Struggles.

Sharing your burdens doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. In fact, letting others in can help you gain new perspectives, and sometimes, simply talking through a problem with someone can lighten the emotional load. You don’t have to go through everything on your own, and in many cases, trying to do so can make things harder.

3. Accept That Love is a Two-Way Street.

The people who love you aren’t looking for you to be flawless. They know you’re battling things, and they want to be part of your journey. It’s easy to believe that pushing them away is somehow protecting them, but love is about connection—even when things are difficult. By letting others in, you allow them to show you their love in action, through support, kindness, and understanding.

4. Learn to Trust.

One of the biggest reasons we push people away is fear. Fear of being judged, fear of being vulnerable, or fear that we might lose the people we care about. But the truth is, trust is built through sharing—not just the good, but also the hard moments. By trusting those who love us, we give them the opportunity to stand by our side and show up for us in ways we might never expect.

5. Learning From Mistakes, Regret, and Shame

Part of the reason we try to fight our battles alone stems from past mistakes, regrets, and shame. When we’ve made mistakes in life—whether in relationships, careers, or our personal choices—it’s easy to internalize these experiences as proof that we’re unworthy of help or support. The weight of shame can feel suffocating, and instead of reaching out, we retreat.

We convince ourselves that if we let someone in, they’ll see those parts of us that we’re not proud of, and that makes us even more reluctant to be vulnerable. However, one of the most profound lessons we can learn is that mistakes are not final, and neither are the regrets that follow. Shame can only hold power over you if you let it remain in the shadows. Letting others in, particularly those who love you, can be the first step toward shedding that shame.

By opening up, you’re giving yourself a chance to heal. Those who care about you will help you see that your mistakes don’t define you. They’ll remind you that you're not the sum of your regrets, but the sum of your growth, resilience, and the lessons you’ve learned. Mistakes, after all, are part of being human. They teach us more about who we are, what we want, and what we value than any success ever could.

6. Breaking the Cycle of Regret

One of the most significant ways to break the cycle of regret is to stop isolating yourself when things go wrong. The more you push people away, the deeper the feelings of regret can sink in. Instead of turning inward, consider reaching outward. Talk to someone about how you're feeling, what you’re going through, and what’s eating at you. Even if the conversation feels uncomfortable, it’s a step toward healing.

Regret thrives in silence, but when you open up, you realize you're not alone in your experiences. Others have felt the same emotions, made similar mistakes, and overcome their own challenges. By sharing your story, you not only help yourself heal but also give others the chance to be part of your healing journey. You don’t have to carry the weight of your past alone.

7. Moving Forward with Compassion

As you learn from your mistakes and let go of shame, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is self-compassion. Forgiving yourself for your past—no matter how painful or difficult—allows you to move forward without the burden of guilt. Those who care about you often see your worth more clearly than you do, and when you allow them to stay close, they can help remind you of your strength.

So, the next time you find yourself in a dark place, tempted to shut everyone out, ask yourself this: What’s the worst that could happen if you let someone in? You might just find that their love, support, and perspective are exactly what you need to fight your demons—and win. By learning to lean on others, you open yourself to the possibility of not just surviving your struggles, but thriving through them. Healing doesn’t have to be a solo mission; sometimes, it’s the people you push away that hold the key to your recovery. Don’t be afraid to let them in.