Signs You're in a Situationship: How to Recognize and Navigate the Grey Area

There is no other relationship status as bad as a situationship and sometimes when we are in one, we don't even recognize it. Trust me, I feel like I'm a situationship professional at this point.

At first, you both start out as dating, excited, hopeful that something serious can blossom out of your rendezvous and then days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and you still are technically 'single' but you are holding onto hope that maybe you will be seen as enough to change their mind. Stop doing this to yourself. When you go and buy a car or an expensive purchase, do you wait for months to figure out if it's right for you or do you typically know within a couple weeks if it's really what you want? It's the same concept for relationships; it shouldn't take any longer than maybe 3 months for someone to decide you are worth committing to.

If someone tells you they just aren't ready to be in a relationship or makes excuses as to why right now is not the right time, 99% of the time they just aren't that into you. This is the classic story of a situationship; someone says they aren't ready but they will be with time and the other person is anxiously attached.

You have two options usually:

1. You can wait and inevitably become frustrated over time, go through ups and downs, constantly telling yourself that your needs are not valid and that this person is worth waiting for. This one is painful; your emotions are costantly based on someone else's ability to love and care for you. If you are already anxiously attached, this will make you even more anxious and even more obsessed with them. You will eventually rely on the person fully for happiness because you see no other person who could fill the temporary void this person has created in your heart.

2. You can notice the routine, notice the person's behavior and wanting absolutely nothing to do with you unless it is most convenient for them and break the cycle. Stop breaking your own heart by sticking around. And to the people on the opposite end who intentionally string along the other person; I hope you step on a Lego.

Whether it's you or a friend have fallen into the trap, here are some clear signs to recognize you are in a situationship and in fact not a relationship:

1. You have been 'talking/dating' for months with no labels No labels and no commitment is only fun if both people agree to it. Don't string someone along because you're lonely and don't let someone string you along because you're lonely.

2. You do all the things a normal relationship would require without the commitment. If you are putting yourself out there and going on dates, holding hands, doing all the relationship things without the labels, that sounds like you are paying rent but not actually living in the house.

3. They say they love you to keep you. If they will say anything possible to keep you, then that is absolutely not love. I promise you there is better out there, you just have to be courageous enough to let go.

4. Whenever you bring up labels they shut down or threaten to leave. Let them go, let them find better, different, not you. You should be able to express your emotions and needs in a healthy manner without someone threatening their role in your life.

5. You are flexing your emotional boundaries to be with them You should not flex your emotional boundaries for anyone, let alone someone who could care less if they are hurting you. Stay true to yourself and what makes you happiest which is you and your ability to say no to people who are abusing your kindness.

6. Your interactions don't go beyond the bedroom. If you are only sleeping together or hanging out in a bedroom setting then that's not even a situationship, that's friends with benefits.

7. Their reasoning for not being with you is "You are too good for them". If someone says this, believe them. You want someone who will say you are too good for me but I am more than willing to change and evolve to be a better person for you. Someone who is willing to do the deep, difficult work to be with you.

8. You keep going through up and down cycles with one of you always reaching back out Stop giving in. Stop giving them what they want. If the other person knows you are always going to go back to them no matter how many times they've hurt you, then why would they change?