Redefining Selfishness: Choosing Yourself as a Path to Growth and Happiness

I've been called selfish my whole life, and honestly, I think that’s completely fine. Why? Because if I don’t put myself and my happiness first, then who will? During difficult times—those transitionary periods or moments of big changes—it’s not just okay to focus on yourself; it's essential. When life feels overwhelming, when you're unsure of what’s next, your well-being has to be the priority. If you don't look out for your own happiness, I can almost guarantee that there will be maybe one or two people, if any, who are willing to consistently put you above themselves. And even those people, while well-meaning, cannot fully understand your needs or desires like you do.

Selfishness often gets a bad reputation, but the truth is, being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s important to challenge the negative connotations tied to that word because, without "selfishness," I’d still be living in an environment where I didn’t thrive. If I wasn’t willing to prioritize myself, I wouldn’t have had the courage to move across states by myself—twice. These moves were pivotal moments in my life, where I consciously chose my happiness, growth, and well-being over staying comfortable or meeting the expectations of others.

Choosing yourself isn't about neglecting others or pushing away relationships—it’s about recognizing that you have to be your own greatest advocate. In the chaos of transitions, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs, but doing so comes with a cost. You can’t pour from an empty cup. To thrive in times of uncertainty and change, you have to fill your own cup first, and that starts with understanding that it’s not selfish to put yourself first—it’s survival.

If I had never embraced being "selfish," I’d likely still be compromising my happiness for the sake of others, remaining in situations where I couldn’t grow. But by choosing myself, I’ve opened doors to personal and professional growth, allowing me to live in alignment with who I truly am. "Selfishness" was my freedom—it empowered me to take up space in my own life, to pursue what truly matters to me, and to thrive in environments where I could flourish.

Here are some tips for putting yourself first, based on the themes from your blog responses:

1. Recognize That Self-Prioritization Isn't Selfish

Shift your mindset: Being called selfish often comes with negative baggage, but understand that prioritizing your happiness is essential for your well-being. It’s about survival and thriving, not about neglecting others.
Embrace the idea that you are your own best advocate—no one else can fully understand your needs and desires as deeply as you can.

2. Tune Into Your Needs, Even During Transitions

During periods of change, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. Make it a habit to check in with yourself. What are your emotional, mental, and physical needs right now?
Ask yourself: Are the choices I’m making moving me closer to the life I want, or am I sacrificing too much of myself for others?

3. Make Bold Choices for Your Growth

Don’t be afraid to make decisions that might seem “selfish” to others. Whether it’s moving to a new city, changing jobs, or ending unfulfilling relationships, focus on what helps you thrive.
Reflect on how previous "selfish" choices have led to personal and professional growth, reminding yourself of their value.

4. Create Boundaries that Protect Your Well-Being

Healthy boundaries are key to self-prioritization. Say no when you need to, and don’t feel guilty about it. Your time and energy are valuable, and protecting them means you can give more of yourself when it truly matters.
Recognize that not everyone will understand or support your decisions. That's okay—your journey is unique, and your boundaries are for your protection, not their approval.

5. Understand that Few People Will Put You Above Themselves

It’s a hard truth, but most people are busy navigating their own lives. Expecting others to prioritize your happiness often leads to disappointment. Instead, take ownership of ensuring your well-being.
Surround yourself with supportive people, but know that you are ultimately responsible for your happiness.

6. Fill Your Own Cup First

You can’t take care of others if you’re drained. Focus on replenishing your energy and happiness first, whether it’s through self-care, setting new goals, or simply taking a break when you need it.
Regularly assess what fills you up—hobbies, passions, or restful downtime—and make space for these in your life.

7. Celebrate the Freedom of Choosing Yourself

Reflect on the times you’ve chosen yourself and how those decisions created new opportunities for growth and fulfillment. Moving to new states or stepping away from negative environments are examples of how “selfish” decisions can lead to freedom and thriving.
Use these moments as fuel for future decisions. Knowing that you’ve made choices that have led to positive outcomes helps reinforce the importance of putting yourself first.

By reframing selfishness as a necessary act of self-care and growth, you empower yourself to make decisions that honor your happiness and well-being.