Important things to remember when you're in a Romantic Relationship

It's confusing, I agree when all someone tells you is that they want you and then actively does things to hurt you or actively makes decisions that go against a future with you. Maybe they don't actually want you but like the thought of you; the thought of you being different, a challenge and then once they get you, you’ll be boring. When someone wants to keep you in their life, it is clear: they will actively make decisions and choices with you in mind. That person won’t hurt you because that means they could lose you and if they have to make difficult life decisions, you are reassured that no matter what, they still want you in their life. This person doesn’t say that they want you to find happiness with someone else because the thought of that is unbearable. If you truly love someone and want to be with them then you will do anything it takes to keep them in your life in one capacity or another.

If you start feeling like someone is making you an option in their life, you have a couple of different options including:

1. Communicate with the other person that you are feeling this way, maybe they are going through something difficult and can’t devote the same amount of time they originally did, to you.

2. Decide that they are doing this over and over again and its best to part ways.

3. Communicate that this is their last opportunity to change their behavior or else the relationship is done. Be stern with your boundaries and communicate that you don't like being treated like an option.

Here are some reasons why it’s important to put your happiness first in romantic relationships:

1. Ensure you are not holding back your goals and dreams for someone temporary If that relationship ended, would you regret not making a life decision or moving somewhere else? If yes, maybe you should reconsider the connection you have with this person because if they were so special and important and cared about you in the way you deserve, then they would support and understand you goals and dreams.

2. Loving someone who can’t love you is painful Putting yourself first means only allowing two way relationships in your life. You know deep down if someone loves you by how they treat you, not how smooth their words are. Loving someone who can’t put you first, will not change the situation but actually make it worse over time.

3. Mixed Signals can lead to resentment, making you an angry person Mixed signals are clear signals that someone doesn't want you. If someone is not actively choosing you, then they are passively choosing themselves or choosing someone else. If someone is not consistently showing up for you and communicating their intentions then they see you as optional. You are not optional, you should always be Plan A.

4. Boundaries are important If you are lowering or bending your boundaries to be with someone, then I promise you, it's not going to last. Someone should respect your boundaries and actively try their best to compliment what you have already set in place. If you are bending your boundaries a little now, imagine how much you will have to change farther in the future. Respect yourself enough to establish clear boundaries in the beginning and not flex with them.

5. You are the only person in charge of your happiness Your own individual happiness can't be reliant on anyone or anything else. The second you place your happiness and goals on someone else is an easy way to go down a steep slope of losing yourself. You have to be able to fulfill your own self on your own so that you can always go back to who you are if things don't work out with the other person.