Is It Possible to End a Relationship When You’re Still in Love?

I asked myself this question as the walls of my relationship were crumbling around me. Every fiber of my being begged me to give in—to kiss him, hold him, tell him he had one more chance. The pull was agonizing, a mix of love and heartbreak, a war between my head and my heart.

Two years ago, I faced the same question. I ended everything with the man I thought I would spend my life with. He was my first love, the man I grew up with, and the person I once believed would be my forever. But every time I gave him another chance, every fight I surrendered to, I felt pieces of myself slipping away. Slowly but surely, I was losing the version of myself I had fought so hard to build.

Then it hit me: Mariah, you’re experiencing more hurt than happiness. I sat with that thought, wrestled with it, and asked myself the question I was so afraid to face: Is this worth it? The answer was no.

And now, here I am, writing this in the apartment we were supposed to share. Sitting among the echoes of dreams we painted together, I’m haunted by the yellow we were supposed to live up to—the warmth, the brightness, the joy we promised ourselves. I see the blue skies we swore we’d dance under, the clouds we were going to point to and scream “cloud!” like kids rediscovering the world.

But no one truly understands the pain of saying goodbye to someone you love, knowing that despite that love, they are hurting you. It’s a pain that cuts deeper than heartbreak because it’s layered with the realization that I love you, but loving you hurts me—and that is not love.

Because real love is not supposed to hurt. Love means showing up. It means being there, choosing someone, and staying even when it’s hard. Love means making and keeping your promises. It means putting in the work, even on the days when the effort feels heavy, and never letting the other person down. Love means being consistent in your care, your respect, and your commitment. It’s not about perfection, but about trying, about showing up when it matters most.

The truth is, yes, it is possible to end a relationship when you’re still in love. I’ve done it twice now. The first time, I walked away from the comfort of a long-term relationship because I couldn’t keep sacrificing my happiness for a future that didn’t feel right. The second time, I chose myself over a connection that couldn’t give me the partnership I deserved.

Each time, the choice was excruciating. To love someone deeply and still decide to let them go feels like tearing your heart in two. But I’ve learned that love alone is not enough. A relationship requires trust, growth, and mutual respect. Without those, love becomes a weight instead of a light.

Every time I’ve chosen myself, I’ve had to fight the guilt that comes with walking away. The world tells you that love conquers all, but it doesn’t prepare you for the moments when love isn’t enough. It doesn’t prepare you for choosing your own happiness over someone else’s, or for the nights when you question whether you made the right choice.

But I’ve realized something powerful: loving yourself is the ultimate act of love. It’s the love that reminds you you’re worthy of joy, of peace, and of a partnership that builds you up instead of breaking you down.

So, yes, it’s possible to end a relationship when you’re still in love. It’s painful, it’s messy, and it’s heartbreaking—but it’s also brave. It’s choosing the life you deserve over the life you’ve settled for.

Because sometimes, love isn’t enough. Sometimes, love means letting go. And sometimes, that’s the most loving thing you can do for both of you.