How to Recognize the Signs of Healing: A Guide to Understanding Your Journey

This moment is an important one; I need you to reflect and look back on overcoming feelings, emotions and dread that you thought you would never get over. You and only you brought yourself out of a dark place and for that; I am so proud of you! The day you wake up and no longer think of that person as your first thought is a great feeling, but then when days, weeks or months pass and you not longer think of that person and the impact they had on your life, that is truly an amazing feeling. You don't really just one day get there, it's something that happens gradually over time and you don't even notice it until you look back for a brief moment and notice that someone who once was your world, is now merely a dream, unattainable and no longer something you want. When we are going through difficult times, it's easy to get tunnel visioned and believe that everything is going to never get better because the thought of not having this person in your life is the end of the world as you know it. However, it's important to note that nothing in your life has been the end of the world yet, and just as you got through every other difficult decision, life change or relationship change, you are going to get through this as well.

My hope for you if you are still healing, is that you get to a point in your journey and realize that someone's inability to love you, has nothing to do with you and has more to do with them. If someone doesn't want to be with you, that doesn't make them instantly a narcissist or a player, it just doesn't click sometimes. When you are ready to start dating again, it's important for you to recognize when people are wasting your time and dragging you along. It isn't your responsibility to convince them to choose you or beg them to love you. It is however, your responsibility to recognize how they make you feel over time and note if that is a feeling you want to keep reliving for a long period of your life.

I remember last year, I went through a period of time that I thought I would never feel whole again; how ironic that we are made whole from two people in love, and slowly are torn apart emotionally by the difficulties of love. I went through a dark period, months of thinking my worth was determined by someone else and by someone's else ability to love me. I was convinced that if I could convince someone who didn't want me, to love me, then I was worthy of being loved. This terrible cycle continued for months, finding temporary happiness in temporary people and in the end of every one, I hurt them along the way. I decided I would stop going to emotionally unavailable people and stop trying to fill the void overall I felt. Instead I filled that time with me, enjoying myself and enjoying my friends and family.

I was skiing the other day by myself and I looked up and saw the snowy banks, sun in my face, people moving all around me and I felt IT. I felt genuine happiness that had nothing to do with a partner, friend or anything else. The happiness was radiating out of ME. It's been a year and a half since my long term relationship ended and I can finally say, I am healed and I'm proud of myself for that.

Here are some signs that you are healing:

1. The thought of that person no longer makes you react

2. You have accepted how things ended

3. Songs, pictures and items no longer remind you of them

4. You can spend time by yourself without thinking about them

5. You haven't cried about them in a long time

6. Recognizing that It's okay that your future no longer involves them

7. You are optimistic for what's to come

8. You've stopped blaming yourself how the relationship ended.

9. You have forgiven yourself for things you could've done differently

10. You are happy and at peace with being alone