Finding Closure: How to Move on When You're Not Ready

It's strange isn't it? How one day you could be holding hands, hugging, loving someone and then within a matter of hours, sometimes minutes, that all changes. We have all experienced a love that is lost; your always turns into your never or not now. Remember, when you didn't think you could get over that person that you were so in love with, you were convinced that your world was going to end and yet somehow you got over it, you realize you were fine before you met that person and you were going to be fine after; you need to remind yourself of that moment now. Yes relationships ending are hard and yes, losing someone who you thought was going to be a long-term partner is difficult. You have to remind yourself that they did not want you and in turn you no longer want them. When someone shows you that you being in their life is insignificant or that you're feelings are insignificant, you need to take that as a sign that you deserve more. I promise you, you deserve more, no matter what the situation is, you have to choose yourself and know your own self-worth over whoever this person is.

Moving on without closure is difficult, I understand that, but them not wanting you or no longer putting you as a priority in their life should be enough closure for you to understand that they don't want you and therefore you don't want anyone like that in your life. I know it hurts when you give your all to someone, when you think that they're going to reciprocate it back, but it's important to remember that not all relationships are supposed to last, not all people we meet are meant to stay.

A real man or partner would absolutely never do anything to lose you, and if they did something that caused you to question them, they would do anything to get you back. Never let someone tell you twice that they don't want you. A real partner would never lead you on and convince you that they wanted you and wanted something serious with you just for in the end for them to say that they're not ready. One can argue the "not yet ", But I think if you are going to live by that then you have to be OK with the chance of losing someone and I personally don't want to be with someone who is willing to take a chance of losing me and losing the trust and the relationship that we had at one point. Because even if that person did come back, things would never be the same, you would always be worried that that person would leave again, and I personally don't think that something I'm willing to accept. The closure is you accepting that they did not want you or that you did not want them, closure is a lie, and one more conversation is not going to improve things. Pick up your chin, pick up your self-respect, and move on because better things are coming, I promise.

I'm here to help you move on without the 'closure' that is always suggested:

1. You have to intentionally not engage with them Block, ignore, delete. Whatever you have to do to keep this person who hurt you out of your life will be critical especially in the first couple of weeks. After the first three days, I promise you it will become easier; you just have to remain the no-contact rule for the first three days which are guaranteed to be the most difficult.

2. Keep reminding yourself that them not wanting you is the closure If you are questioning reaching out to them and asking for closure, that is BS. Closure is something you can give yourself especially when the other person decided they didn't want you in their life. If you were the one that was strong enough to let go, then that's a different story, but it's not your fault that the other person decided to give up, therefore forcing you to choose yourself and let go.

3. Cry it out, then pick yourself up and move on Feel your emotions for a couple of days and then you have to intentionally move on. Wallow, feel your pain, maybe don't be social for a couple of days or 48 hours, but anytime longer than that is too long. Of course cry in the car for weeks later if you have to, but I am saying don't change your whole life because of this one person for longer than 48 hours.

4. Someone who doesn't choose you first is not someone you want Patterns repeat themselves, if they dont choose you first now, what makes you think that they will change their mind later? Why would you want to be someone's second choice? You should be the prize, the number one, the winner and no one should make you feel or think that you are anything less.

5. Better things are coming, I promise Everything happens for a reason. That is a life motto I live by. I promise that what has passed is not better than what is coming and you have to intentionally allow for better things to come into your life by making space, and letting go of old people who no longer deserve a seat at your table.

6. Find time to focus on yourself This is your time, and your chance to realign with yourself, your goals, and with your overall general aura, and who you want to be. When a relationship ends, that version of you dies, and it is the time for you to reinvent or re-create or grow within yourself, and identify the new version of yourself you want to become.