Dating Yourself First: The Importance of Choosing Your Happiness in Romantic Relationships

It's confusing, I agree when all someone tells you is that they want you and then actively does things to hurt you or actively makes decisions that go against a future with you. Maybe they don't actually want you but like the thought of you; the thought of you being different, a challenge and then once they get you, you’ll be boring. When someone wants to keep you in their life, it is clear:  they will actively make decisions and choices with you in mind. That person won’t hurt you because that means they could lose you and if they have to make difficult life decision, you are reassured that no matter what, they still want you in their life. This person doesn’t say that they want you to find happiness with someone else because the thought of that is unbearable. If you truly love someone and want to be with them then you will do anything it takes to keep them in your life in one capacity or another.

If you start feeling like someone is making you an option in their life, you have a couple of different options including:

1. Communicate with the other person that you are feeling this way, maybe they are going through something difficult and can’t devote the same amount of time they originally did, to you.

2. Decide that this relationships is not worth the difficulties and that if you love them enough, that is understanding that that may not mean loving them yourself, but loving them enough to let go and letting them find something that will make them happier.

3. Wait it out and see how giving them space works. Sometimes the timing of life is hard and you realize that if it means not now, it may not mean never.

Here are some reasons why it’s important to put your happiness first in romantic relationships:

1.Ensure you are not holding back your goals and dreams for someone temporary

If that relationship ended, would you regret not making a life decision or moving somewhere else? If yes, maybe you should reconsider the connection you have with this person because if they were so special and important and cared about you in the way you deserve, then they would support and understand you goals and dreams. Make sure you don’t have regrets in life by following your goals WHILE dating this other person. It shouldn’t be one or the other.

2. Loving someone who can’t love you is painful

Putting yourself first means only allowing two way relationships in your life. You know deep down if someone loves you by how they treat you, not how smooth their words are. Loving someone who can’t put you first, will not change the situation but actually make it worse over time.

3. Your long term mental health is more important than temporary happiness

We have all been there where we say that a situation ship is worth the pain or worth the sacrifice because “they are my soulmate”. I can almost 99% guarantee someone who is in a situation ship with you is absolutely not your soulmate. Pick up your dignity and self respect off the floor and walk away from anyone who damages your emotional stability.

4.If you keep letting people walk all over you, it’ll impact the way you see yourself.

Long term habits are more important than short term neglect. Who do you see yourself in the future? Someone who has boundaries and isn’t afraid of telling people no or someone who allows others to walk all over you? The way you treat yourself now and allow others to treat you will have lasting effects on your mental health, physical health, friendships and relationships. You have to stop people pleasing and giving too much of yourself away. If someone is verbally or physically telling you they don’t have interests in you romantically, you have to let go; not because you want to because for your own sake you respect yourself too much to hold on.

5. You are the only person in charge of making yourself happy

If you are in a dark place, you are the only person capable of pulling yourself out. If you want to be a doctor or teacher or lawyer, you are the only person that can make that happen. If you want to be extremely fit or run a 5K, you are the only person that can make that happen.

I honestly don’t have the best advice for choosing your happiness over others because I have always lived by the Fight or Flight tendencies that I have had for years. That I would rather leave the situation before you can decide that you want to leave me. I used to run away from people who I loved with all my heart just because I was afraid of them realizing that I was not special enough in their eyes to stay. I then decided that I am special and confident and beautiful and those who want to stay can stay but those who disrespect me are not worth the stress and anguish to mourn the loss of them when they didn’t think twice about having me in their life. Love is a give or take and if you find yourself constantly giving yourself away to people, ask yourself if the tables were turned, if they would be fighting for you as well.