10 Things That Have Helped Lower My Anxiety

1. Limited caffeine intake

I was an avid coffee drinker all the way up to the age of 22 when my therapist asked what gave me anxiety and the simple answer was when I had too much caffeine. You’d think if I could give the answer so simply that I could solve the problem on my own? No, it took almost six months of slowly transitioning to decaf that I finally realized how much of a difference there was in my day to day life when I didn’t have copious amounts of caffeine. The best part in my opinion is that regular coffee tastes exactly the same as decaf coffee so I can’t even tell the difference between a cup that will send me into an existential crisis vs a cup that will ensure my heart rate stays normal.

2. Therapy

I started therapy initially because it was ruining my relationships but continued because I noticed how helpful it was to talk to a third party, unbiased individual twice a month. Because of my anxiety, I found myself constantly pushing away my family, partners and friends and being unable to open up because I didn’t feel like I could fully trust them. Once I started and continued going to therapy, I established very quickly which relationships were worth keeping and which were no longer serving me. I found that therapy helped not only my anxiety around relationships but also helped my internal thoughts that told me I couldn’t be too happy because something would always come around and ruin it. I learned what triggered my negative emotions and how I need to work on not lashing out at people who don’t understand how to love someone with anxiety. Yes therapy is expensive and is quite a time commitment, but everyone makes time for what is important to them. I found therapy to be incredibly important to me as it helped solve a lot of my mental health issues by understanding what was going on in my head.

3. Working out a minimum of 4 times a week

This one speaks for itself, but I notice that no difficult day can be made more difficult by working out. I intentionally work out on days I know that I will be stressed because it is 45 minutes to either zone out in a reformer pilates class or have a high intensity kareoke workout at Soul Cycle. I don’t work out for weight loss anymore but workout because of the type of person I have become by learning how to regulate my emotions by letting out my anger and frustration during my workouts. I find myself after difficult days either running extra hard or increasing the weights during my fitness classes and then leaving the studio in a much better mood than when I entered. Of course, there is no way that working out will solve all your problems or decrease your workload at work, but that when you make time for things that help your mental health, you overall are a less tense individual. The saying is true, mental health is wealth. 

4. Active recovery days

I know that this one is a controversial opinion because a rest day is supposed to be just that, a rest day. However, I have found that having active recovery days help me ensure I am still releasing the stress from my day in a healthy way as well as getting a small workout in. Recovery days are important not only for your physical health but also for your mental health because you can only run on 25% for so long before you crash. An active recovery day could be something as small as walking for 10 minutes after work, riding your bike around the park or simply doing yoga stretches at the end of the day. Don’t over complicate it!

5. Journaling

Writing out my feelings on paper has been extremely helpful especially when I feel overwhelmed. Not only writing out my feelings but writing out my tasks I need to complete within the near and further future have been helpful because why have everything stuck in your head when instead you can write it out and visually see what it will take to relieve your stress. I have found it useful to have multiple different journals: a journal with prompts, a goal journal, gratuity journal and a free writing journal. Having different options ensures that I will get whatever thoughts out I need to each day. I don’t give myself a strict timeline that each day I have to write in each journal, but instead write when I want to and don’t push it when I’m not feeling like it.

6. Identifying my love language

How I feel loved is different than how I enjoy giving love and I didn’t understand this until I took a liberal arts course in college. Understanding and identifying your love language helps when searching and developing both your friendships and relationships. In order to establish what mine was, I read a book on love languages but you can easily go online and google ‘Love Language test’ and find a plethora of options that will easily determine how you enjoy receiving and giving love in both platonic and romantic relationships. Identifying your love language is just another tool that will help you pour more love into yourself and other people as well.

7. Let go of things outside of your control

I used to be the type of person that thought “If I can control everything around me, then nothing will surprise me and therefore nothing can hurt me”. Wow was I incorrect. Who knew that this thinking came from anxiety and my own need to control everything was due to my fear of loosing everything I had. The anxiety told me that if I didn’t hold onto everyone and everything tight enough then it would go away, but in reality, if something is not meant for me and does not serve my mental health then why would I want it or them in my life? This can be related to relationships or jobs or environments that no longer suite you. You should only be stressing and worrying about things that are in your control like your ability to react to a difficult situation either by fighting or letting go or your ability to control what time you wake up and go to sleep everyday based on your own individual needs. The second you start worrying about if someone likes you enough to keep dating you and you consistently are the only one reaching out or putting energy into the situation is the second you give up your control over the situation. The facts of this are that you can only control how much energy you give away and if someone does not recognize and appreciate your efforts then let them walk away. Let go of the control and the need to hold onto someone so tightly because odds are you are more likely to drive them insane than you are going to make them fall in love with you.

8. Fixing my attachment style

It is one thing to understand your triggers, but to understand your attachment style is an easy way for you to fix a repetitive unhealthy pattern of choosing the wrong partners. There are three main attachment styles: anxious, avoidant and secure. All three attachment styles stem from different ways someone was raised from their childhood and how they were loved during their young adult relationships. How lucky am I that I hit the jackpot and am an anxious-avoidant attachment style so this means that I get triggered by the avoidant and anxious attachment styles and can truly only last in a healthy relationship with a secure partner. I have for the past year been reading every self help book possible with little to no improvement on my attachment style and then realized that the only solution was to take the time and put in the work to actually fix it. This process is difficult and very time consuming but in my opinion is worth it because it relieves your internal anxiety or avoidant tendencies in a relationship and you can finally grow with someone without the urge to run away every time a small bump in the road comes up.

9. Establishing boundaries with friends and family

I have learned the hard way that if you don’t have boundaries with yourself, other people will notice that as well and take advantage of that. Having boundaries and being able to say ‘No’ is an art. I have yet to master this myself as I am working through the ability to be able to tell when people are no longer good for my mental health or well being. Whether or not your inability to say no to the wrong people comes from your people pleasing tendencies or from your lack of self love towards yourself, they both require some healing and understanding as to why you became this way in the first place, of which that in itself is not easy.

10. Stepping outside of my comfort zone

I try my best to do something once or twice a week that fosters new pathways in my brain as to ensure I am constantly growing and learning. It could be something as simple as taking a different route to work, trying a new coffee shop or going to a different park than you’re used to. For introverts it could be saying hi to a stranger you’ve always admired or having a conversation in your building elevator. Your life begins the day you stop choosing to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Growth comes from your ability to identify when your current environment, job or relationship is no longer serving your needs. You are the biggest obstacle in your journey and that comes from your inability to make changes in your life because you could be too comfortable where you are. Comfortability in a relationship, job or lifestyle can be a good thing until it becomes pure complacency and you’d rather choose the life that you have always had over growing into your full potential.